My Poor Hair!
by CrazyNerdyFangirl
Summary: *minor FANG spoilers* Random one-shot about Max's thoughts on how her hair color keeps changing. What color will it change to next? This is just one of the plotholes I've always hated.


**AN: I was bored, so I was rereading FANG. Something that has always bugged me was Max's hair. Why does James Patterson keep changing it? I've always wondered if Max actually likes having an old man (sorry, JP) decide what color hair she has. So here's my random one-shot about Max's hair. I highly doubt this is any good, I just really had to get it out of my system.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not James Patterson. If I was, I'd **_**be consistent**_** with Max's hair color. **

I brushed my hair with my hairbrush while I looked into the mirror. I groaned. My hair was brown with red streaks and even a little bit of blonde now. It changed colors every few months and it was as annoying as heck, especially since Fang had left. I had mourned his absence for a few long, depressing weeks, but have now moved on to worrying about bigger problems, like my hair.

I know that all you fanfiction addicts are probably thinking, "Max is OOC! She should be worrying about saving the world, not her _hair._"

Well, you know what? I'm a teenage girl. Teenage girls care about hair. That, and cute shoes.

But you're right, usually, I'm not like this. Usually, I would only care about my hair when it got in the way when I was fighting some baddies. But when an old dude changes the color of _my_ hair whenever he freaking _feels like it_, somebody's gotta pay.

I had started out with blonde hair. Other than the blonde jokes Fang had used to make (for the record, I do _not_ stare at my reflection all day and putting a mirror at the bottom of a pool would _not _ result in my drowning), I was perfectly fine with blonde hair. You'd think that when you're born with a certain hair color and have had that hair color for 14 years, it would stay that color unless you dye it, right? But no, my life couldn't be that uncomplicated. One day, I had woken up to find myself with brown hair. _Brown hair. _

Yes, I made a WTF face when I saw it. My hair had freaking changed overnight! Literally! One day my hair was blonde with some lighter blonde streaks in it and the next day, it was…boring old brown. The rest of the flock was also perplexed as to whythe man who had supposedly "created us from his imagination" had to go change my hair color. Why couldn't he make up his mind? Isn't one hair color enough?

But I guess it wasn't good enough for good ol' Jimmie P. So I had woken up one morning to find myself with brown hair. My light brown hair still had blonde streaks in it though. It wasn't so bad. Eventually, I got used to it. At least Fang didn't make the blonde jokes anymore and he seemed to like brown hair.

So when I woke up one morning a few weeks ago to find my hair had gotten somehow gotten red streaks, I freaked out. I freaking hate redheads! I had a bad history with them. In other words, I wanted to rip out the throats of any redheads who came within 50 feet of me.

You'd think that Fang would be even more attracted to me because of the new red streaks in my hair, but _no, _he had to leave anyway. That bastard.

As I brushed my hair, I examined the few-weeks-old red streaks in it. I had to admit, they looked pretty cool, but still. How would you feel if you never knew what color your hair would be next, with the fate of _your_ hair resting in the hands of some old guy?

Suddenly, right before my eyes, the red streaks in my hair began to change color. I widened my eyes to the size of dinner plates. Usually the changes in my hair happened overnight. Usually, my hair stayed one color for at least a month. But dammit! My hair had just changed a few weeks ago. It _couldn't_ be changing, could it?

The transition between hair colors only lasted a couple of seconds. Right before my eyes, my hair changed to a horrible shade of bright blue.

It took a few seconds for the change to sink in. I stared at my reflection with my jaw hanging open.

I HAD FREAKING BLUE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I pulled at my hair desperately, wishing that it would turn back to brown, blonde, or even red! I would take being a redhead over being a…bluehead. Was that what I was now?

_Why, _James Patterson, _why_?

I have come to a conclusion. The old man changes his mind more than Fang does.

I scowled at my reflection in the mirror. How the heck was I supposed to go out in public looking like this? This would totally blow my keep-a-low-profile plan for the flock.

I hate James Patterson. Why couldn't he give me a _normal_ hair color? I already had _wings_; I didn't need any more abnormalities.

I looked ridiculous with blue hair. But then, who wouldn't?

Nudge was going to freak out when she found out. She loved to dress me up and use me as her life-sized Barbie doll. Well, she wouldn't be able to do that anymore since I had blue hair. No amount of clothing or makeup could make blue hair look attractive.

Hmmmm…maybe I could dye my hair. That idea had some possibilities…

Suddenly, I noticed that my hair was changing colors _again. _Twice in one freaking day! After a few seconds, I saw the color it had changed to. It took me a few minutes to truly comprehend the color it had changed to, as opposed to the few seconds it took for the realization that I had blue hair to sink in.

When I finally comprehended what color my hair was, my jaw dropped open in shock. My eyes were horrified, and I touched my hair, hoping it was all a nightmare. It was…it was…

"AHHHHH!" I screamed loudly. I hoped Angel wasn't reading my mind then because she would have been hit with an onslaught of cussing.

My hair was _pink_. This was worse than blue. This was worse than red. _Pink_ hair. What the heck was James Patterson _thinking_? Oh, right, he _wasn't _thinking. Because if he _did_ think, he would know that changing my hair color in every book isn't going to attract fans.

I heard footsteps running toward my room. Crap, the rest of the flock were wondering why I had screamed. I looked around my room frantically for anything I would be able to use to hide my pink hair. But before I could, the door burst open.

A breathless Nudge poked her head through the door. It was obvious that she had run from downstairs to my room as fast as she could, probably thinking that Erasers had attacked me or something. Her cheeks were flushed, and she looked ready for a fight. Too bad there was no fight. "What did you…" she began. Suddenly, she noticed the wonderful color of my hair…

And burst out laughing. "Max…you…have…pink…hair…" she giggled. Tears were coming out of her eyes from laughing so hard. Well, I was happy _someone_ enjoyed my pain. She was shaking with laughter and it kind of looked like she was having a seizure. What a strange comparison. The pink hair must be affecting my brain.

The rest of the flock was on Nudge's heels. Gazzy came up behind Nudge, looking through the door curiously. "Max has pink hair?" he asked, not really believing it.

But when he saw my hair, his eyes widened. He grinned widely, probably planning to use this as blackmail. Joyousness. Then he started laughing his skinny ass off. Soon, both Iggy and Angel had seen my hair and were also cracking up. I didn't know if it was good or bad that Dylan hadn't seen my hair yet. On the bright side, he might not like me anymore because who would like someone with _pink_ hair? But I didn't want someone else making fun of my hair either. I was the only one in the room not laughing because it was _my_ hair.

Curse you, James Patterson!

**AN: Like it? Hate it? Just review. Please? **


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